How It All Began

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about this blog since I am beginning it in the middle of our process. I kind of envision little jumps between past and present but we can see how it goes…Anyway, I wanted to share how this whole Co-IVF journey began for us. So here it is….

My partner (let’s call her Bette for the purposes of this blog) and I (Tina obviously – I am so excited The L Word is actually coming back!) met over five years ago in a steamy encounter that happened within 12 hours in two states, three parking lots and lots of orgas…I mean it’s pretty awesome what lesbians can do. At the time I didn’t know where we would lead, I just was having fun. Over the years our relationship developed into something deeper. A connection that I have never had with anyone before started to form. I began to find so much comfort in Bette. She is more than just my partner- at any given time she can be my lover, my best friend, my sister, my sage. It was at that time when I knew Bette was the one.

Unfortunately, Bette was not as aware of this fact as I was. She has a strong fear of commitment (although she wont admit to that) and the age difference also scared her. It took her a long time to figure out what our relationship meant to her. That is why the pivotal day when she brought up the idea of having a baby together I knew this was her way of telling me she was ready. Ready for her to begin our future together, ready for us to plan a life together. Bette is not traditional at all. There was no grand proposal, no diamond ring. Our future began with a simple exchange of ideas. We love each, we want to be with each other. Let’s get married and make a baby.

If only it were that easy…

So my hunt for fertility clinics began and the fears started to sink in. Are they going to accept us because we are lesbians (we live just outside of NYC but you still wonder)? Are they going to judge us for not being married yet? What is a “good” clinic anyway? I don’t even know what to look for. I remembered awhile back that my “big sister” who lived next door to me growing up recently had a baby.  I knew they had fertility problems but I didn’t know the extent. Also, time and distance had drifted us apart and I wasn’t sure if I should reach out. I finally got up the nerve to ask her and I am so glad I did. She guided us through the first steps of the process. She gave us the name of her clinic and lo and behold they had an office 30 minutes away from our house. So we made an appointment for a consultation. The next thing we know, we are scheduling blood work, ultrasounds, a meeting with the financial coordinator, a meeting with our soon-to-be nurse, and a meeting with a social worker. We begin signing our life away in legal documents…talk about overwhelming. 

Speaking of overwhelming, this post is getting pretty long. I think I will leave you here for now and we can continue this in another post. 

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The Journey So Far

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So here is the deal, my soon-to-be wife (seriously we are getting married in less than a month, I can’t believe this is finally happening) and I are trying to have a baby. Well we have been trying for quite some time now actually – almost a whole year. I wanted to make this Blog because I have searched out there and there are far too few co-IVF blogs. Also I think I need an outlet for all that we are going through.

It sure has been one hell of a year. Anyone going through fertility treatments can probably attest to that. But when you are a lesbian couple there is even more to the mix. For example, one of the things you might not know is that you are required (at least at our clinic) to meet with a “third party social worker”. This was something that really freaked me out when we were first informed about it but it actually was a super informative. The social worker was not there to judge us as a couple (which I am not going to lie I was a little afraid of) but to provide us with resources for same-sex couples trying to start a family.

Another thing that was difficult was finding a donor. Not only is this process daunting (seriously you have to find the right sperm bank that has a good reputation so that some serial killer doesn’t become your future baby’s father) it is also expensive. Since neither mine nor my partner’s medical insurance covers co-IVF it’s scary ¬†how quickly the numbers start adding up. We are talking goodbye dreams of the large Italian wedding…I certainly have gotten a good grip on priorities.

Anyway, here we are three retrevials completed with one day-5 Blast that has been tested and has come back normal. If you have gone through the process already I am sure you know how heartbreaking this is. We have cried, we have gotten angry (at the world, at each other) but we also have laughed and loved. We grew strong with each attempt, stronger than I ever though we could be. Next step is the transfer (a/k/a my turn). I am ready but I am scared. One chance, one attempt at a life. I am going to give this little embryo everything I got.

This Blog is dedicated to all those who have taken this journey before us and those who are just beginning. I hope that I can share my experience to show you that you are not alone.