I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about this blog since I am beginning it in the middle of our process. I kind of envision little jumps between past and present but we can see how it goes…Anyway, I wanted to share how this whole Co-IVF journey began for us. So here it is….
My partner (let’s call her Bette for the purposes of this blog) and I (Tina obviously – I am so excited The L Word is actually coming back!) met over five years ago in a steamy encounter that happened within 12 hours in two states, three parking lots and lots of orgas…I mean it’s pretty awesome what lesbians can do. At the time I didn’t know where we would lead, I just was having fun. Over the years our relationship developed into something deeper. A connection that I have never had with anyone before started to form. I began to find so much comfort in Bette. She is more than just my partner- at any given time she can be my lover, my best friend, my sister, my sage. It was at that time when I knew Bette was the one.
Unfortunately, Bette was not as aware of this fact as I was. She has a strong fear of commitment (although she wont admit to that) and the age difference also scared her. It took her a long time to figure out what our relationship meant to her. That is why the pivotal day when she brought up the idea of having a baby together I knew this was her way of telling me she was ready. Ready for her to begin our future together, ready for us to plan a life together. Bette is not traditional at all. There was no grand proposal, no diamond ring. Our future began with a simple exchange of ideas. We love each, we want to be with each other. Let’s get married and make a baby.
If only it were that easy…
So my hunt for fertility clinics began and the fears started to sink in. Are they going to accept us because we are lesbians (we live just outside of NYC but you still wonder)? Are they going to judge us for not being married yet? What is a “good” clinic anyway? I don’t even know what to look for. I remembered awhile back that my “big sister” who lived next door to me growing up recently had a baby. I knew they had fertility problems but I didn’t know the extent. Also, time and distance had drifted us apart and I wasn’t sure if I should reach out. I finally got up the nerve to ask her and I am so glad I did. She guided us through the first steps of the process. She gave us the name of her clinic and lo and behold they had an office 30 minutes away from our house. So we made an appointment for a consultation. The next thing we know, we are scheduling blood work, ultrasounds, a meeting with the financial coordinator, a meeting with our soon-to-be nurse, and a meeting with a social worker. We begin signing our life away in legal documents…talk about overwhelming.
Speaking of overwhelming, this post is getting pretty long. I think I will leave you here for now and we can continue this in another post.